I wannas sexs uuuuu
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
