Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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