i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
