If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
