I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
