Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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