Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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