escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
