Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
