is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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