we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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