Christians are straight up FREAKS
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
