he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
