just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
