Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
