She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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