In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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