Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
