Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
