We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
