Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
