i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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