Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
