It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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