Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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