I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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