I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
