Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
