I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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