I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
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Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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