when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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