obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
where are my eyebrows?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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