Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
