Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
