i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
