first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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