you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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