Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
