I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
