Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Terrible idea I love it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
