it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
