He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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