Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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