its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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