I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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