I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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