I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
