ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
