There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
