Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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