Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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