I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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