Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
