I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
