awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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