I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
