he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
