mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
