i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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