At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
