we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
